connection

noun

The act of connecting, (to join, link, or fasten together; unite or bind) or the state of being connected; junction; union; alliance; relationship.


Connections. During this time of year we are inundated with the images of families connected, spending time laughing and decorating and baking together, and enjoying the company of being with one another. It's homey, it's inspiring . . . and for some of us, it's quite difficult to swallow. It's not the idea of having these connections that is difficult, it's the pragmatism involved for many families who have experienced divorce that make the whole idea of a family together enjoying the holidays tough, and logistically impossible. Ideally, and gratefully, the connections never fade away . . . the emotional attachment will always exist, despite the memories and changes in the structure of the holiday. But the need to have that connection be valued during this time, despite the crazy schedules and various choices that have to be made, (when will we see Mom? who is staying where? where will we spend Christmas Eve? what about Christmas?) can place an unfair burden on those involved in the immediacy of the relationship. We all know that we love each other, but inevitably someone feels left out, regardless of the overall strength of the connections. For this reason alone, the holidays are not my favorite time of the year . . . and you'd think I would have found better coping skills by now! But the holiday will pass, as it has in the past, and, thank goodness, the strength of the connections allow for a seamless transition into whatever is next on the agenda life gives us.

Over the years, the value of connections with my friends and my family-of-choice has ranked tremendously high for me. I will always consider my connections with my children to be of the highest value, of course, but my children are grown and gone, and on a daily basis it is the connections with my friends that have become vitally important. This is especially true for me as a single woman. Because when I come home at night, it's just me and the fat-cat . . . and there's not too much two-way conversation going on there! I, personally, have a need to feel connected to other adults . . . to interact and discuss and debate and listen . . . to offer encouragement and to accept theirs . . . to know that I matter to others in this world. Having those connections remind me that there isn't a need, nor the time, for self-pity and the all-to-easy "whoa-is-me" behavior. Thank goodness for these connections, for with one short conversation or over the course of a dinner together, I'm reminded just how important these connections are, and I then resolve to make sure I don't take them for granted or let them wither away.

In everyday life, it's my connections with my students that I also place high value in. I have always believed that my students will make more gains, find more success, and strive to reach higher levels because of the relationships I build with them right from the start of the year. For some of these kids, they haven't really known a connection to a teacher like this before, of which I am amazed. I don't know how not to have a strong connection with them! But this connection serves to support them, encourage them, and give them the understanding that someone (other than their parents whom they believe "have to love" them) wants to see them make accomplishments in this year, and in the future. And I love that these connections continue as the students progress and grow. I have a Facebook account that attests to these connections . . . so many former students are in contact through this account, and we catch up and continue on with where we last left off. I also have developed and maintained email relationships with former parents-of-students, which have grown into true friendships. I am so grateful for all of these experiences . . . and that through these connections my life has been further enhanced. It's a great by-product of doing what comes naturally to me as a teacher.

My greatest connections, by far, have been the blessings called my kids. I will never, never, never take these relationships for granted, as they have literally saved me on numerous occasions. The fluidity with which these connections change and flow between each of us, both individually and as a family, is quite wondrous. Each new step in their lives brings another dimension to the connection that hasn't existed to this point, sometimes requiring some adjustment, but always growing in appreciation. I often find myself in awe of who they have become . . . and I'm honored that God saw me fit to be the first connection in their lives . . . and one that will never die.

But it has been through some introspective thinking recently that I've discovered, or perhaps re-discovered, the connection I have with myself. Despite the tumultuous and sometimes chaotic turns my life has taken, I have begun to refocus and remember that I'm the product of the choices that have led me down those turns, and that I don't have to choose those directions again. I've learned from them . . . and I can both celebrate and forgive myself for them. In the process, my heart has reconnected with my head, reminding me that I am deserving of all of the good that life has to offer, now and in the future. I just have to keep that pivotal connection alive and prominent in my thinking.

Connections. The blessings of being in alliance with, tied to, in union with my family and friends and self . . . I am one of the luckiest people on earth with, and because of, my connections.

authenticity

authenticity

noun

The quality or condition of being authentic, trustworthy, or genuine.
Genuineness; the quality of being genuine or not corrupted from the original.


As a teacher, I'm always interested in making sure that my instruction in learning how to write, to read critically, or to develop a product as a result of the learning, is due to having an authentic purpose in the end. I want the students to know that there is a true application as a result of their learning . . . and that they'll be able to incorporate that learning in a variety of authentic ways. From my perspective, with so much curriculum to cover, and so many individual needs within the class to meet, this is the most sensible approach to make learning genuine and authentic. Students and parents know that it is my goal that the learning that takes place in my classroom be foundational, able to be built upon in future endeavors for the student. Is there a more valid approach to teaching?

In much the same way, I want my life to reflect the authenticity of the life lessons that I've undergone in order to evolve into the genuine, authentic, and trustworthy person, and teacher, I strive to be. These lessons, too, have proven to be foundational building blocks for my own future endeavors. . .

As a parent, my children had no choice but to live with total authenticity from their mom. Probably too much so, sometimes. Let's just say that that authentic nature sometimes led to some crazy and "interesting" roads. However, perhaps partially as a result of my being so "authentic" in my approach to life, they live very authentic and genuine lives themselves. They have such strong integrity and profound genuineness, and they aren't afraid to be themselves 100% of the time . . . something I wasn't capable of being at their young adult ages, I'm sure. Were I able to go back and change my authentic approach to parenting, would I? Though I'm tempted to say "yes" on some points, overall I'd have to say "No, not on your life!" My children have become amazing adults who live full and wondrous lives, and perhaps if they hadn't lived the experiences my parenting brought to them they wouldn't be the people they are today. We can do what we can with what we have every day of our lives, and through the ups and downs of parenting, Jeff, Justin, and Jillian know that I lovingly and genuinely tried my best to guide them to be fantastic people who both appreciate and live authentic and genuine lives of their own. They have been open and honest in their appreciation of my efforts --- in very authentic ways.

As a person, living a life of authenticity is one of the my top priorities. I've sometimes asked myself if there is perhaps too much authenticity to how I live my life . . . in other words, should I temper my need to be genuine in all things? I can laugh now at some of the situations I've found myself in as a result of being genuine . . . and feeling the need to share that 'genuineness' with those around me. Okay, so there are some times when I needed to be a bit more selective in how or when or where I shared my thoughts, even though I always strove to have the best of intentions in my efforts. What I've learned from those particular experiences is that I can be authentic and genuine in how I live my life outwardly, and I don't necessarily need to verbalize (or advertise) it to those who really aren't interested in my desire to "share." You know . . . walking the talk. And while I said that I can laugh at some of those situations, I have also experienced some quite painful times from living through my authenticity. Those times have taught me the most important lessons, however, and so I know that I had to go through the difficulties in order to maintain and grow into who I am today. Whether it was a painful ending to a relationship, or the loss of hopefulness I had for a part of my life, or making the decision to change the direction of the life road that I was on, away from what seemed sure and trusted . . . they all involved the knowledge that I truly wouldn't be me or I wouldn't be living an authentic life for myself, if I hadn't made the grueling choices I did. And as a result, few regrets ensued, thankfully. I am grateful for all of the life situations that have come my way.

Living a life of authenticity is often a more difficult path, but for me it has definitely been more rewarding in the end. How could it not be? To know that I've made decisions because they were right --- whether for myself, or for the good of others --- has always been fulfilling at such a deep level within. And to know that the results of my actions can (eventually) be a positive force in someone else's life as well . . . wow. That's not to say that life isn't sometimes full of hurdles or blips along the way. While initially frustrating, more often than not they have served as stepping stones to get where I'm originally headed, just with a bit more perseverance. It is the genuine path that I must tread upon. . .

I wonder what an unauthentic life would look like for me. Being someone I'm not: playing "games" in various relationships . . . pleasing different people with different levels of genuineness rather than always giving my all . . . observing an unjust situation and ignoring it . . . hiding my playfulness and joyfulness at life's pleasures . . . ingesting stress and frustrations brought on from daily encounters . . . squelching the questions needed to be asked for simple clarification . . . not following through on promises made . . . not being true to my feelings . . . and not showing my genuine feelings? No, I can't entertain the idea of changing who I am or how I live my life today, into a person of less integrity or authenticity. I am who I am, and I've learned to appreciate that about myself, as have others in my life. As many of my friends have told me, "At least I always know where I stand with you, Dawn."

It doesn't get more genuine than that, does it?