determination

1. the quality of being resolute; firmness of purpose.
2. the decision or settlement arrived at or pronounced.
3. the quality of being resolute; firmness of purpose.

I'm sitting at my computer today, excited after having attended the reading and writing conference (CCIRA) in Denver for the past three days, my head exploding with new ideas, new thinking, and a new determination to step up my teaching, once again. I say "once again," because I feel this way every year after attending CCIRA . . . but this year is a little different. I have a whole new "life-attitude" working for me, a new determined spirit to make everything in my life more purposeful and pronounced . . . and I will add to this my level and quality of instruction in my classroom.

As most of my friends now know, I have really put forth a lot of determined energy into getting things straight in my life over the last year. I've analyzed the many facets of my world, have made concerted efforts to improve and renew certain avenues, and know that I now truly and automatically approach everyday with a vitality and eagerness to "make it a great day" which had been missing for me for so very long . . . if it had ever really been there to start with. As usual, I saw many friends and acquaintances at the conference that I only see once a year, and every single one of them made a comment about how relaxed or happy I seem, or how I look better than ever. I guess when you do only see someone once a year that difference is noticeable and you can bet that I'm appreciative and grateful for their comments. But beyond that, I DO feel better, I AM happy, and I am in far better health than I've been in a long time. My determination to change my life is showing great results! I'm not sure if it's the effects of the two pots of coffee this morning or not, but I almost have a giddy feeling about the positive turns I have made in my life .

In the classroom I do pride myself on my teaching ability, the rapport I build with every child, the colleagiality I develop with those I work with, and the lessons I generate. It's not to say that I've done a poor job teaching in the past couple of years, but I realized that I'd definitely lost the spark for my endeavors awhile ago, and it wasn't until I changed districts and environments that it really came to light. I'm excited about my new opportunity, and about being able to put forth strong thinking and expertise into helping to further the teachers' understandings in my building. Now I want to take that enthusiasm, be reflective in how to best implement the ideas into my instruction, and to take kids on the journey of their (school) lives. Call it determination (many call it my stubborn streak) or just being resolute, but I know I can make my practice better . . . and I'd never, ever say that I don't have something new to learn in the process.

In my personal life, I am more determined than ever to live every day with a sense of gratitude and appreciation, striving always to be my best and to provide that "me" to those in my life. . . whether that be in parenting (even though they're grown and gone), being a devoted friend, consoling or counseling a friend in need, or venturing into a growing relationship. Who knows what tomorrow brings, so for me to not give my all, and to be receptive of these same qualities from others, seems senseless. I love when I end a phone call with a smile, or when I give a friend a hug (and I love to give and get hugs!) and know it was genuinely returned, or when my quick wit can make someone burst out laughing. Who wouldn't? These are the parts of my personality that are so natural and easy to share . . . but it hasn't always been so. I remember when, not really all that long ago, I didn't like being touched. When saying "I love you" was rare (and difficult, other than to my kids) for me. When my wit was full of meanness and cynical sarcasm. What an energy drain it was to carry that unpleasantness. However, over the past few years I've been able to shed those contrary aspects and have s-l-o-w-l-y realized that I am likable (dare I say lovable?), that friends give hugs in absolute sincerity, and that my ability to say and hear pleasant comments feels good. Sounds sappy, I know, but it also gives me a slightly unique ability -- and determination -- to see these "unpolished" areas in other peoples lives, including the kids I interact with daily, allowing me a better perspective on making their days a bit brighter, too.

I guess that it comes down to using determination . . . okay, my stubborn nature . . . in ways that foster positiveness and forward-movement first for myself, and then for those who surround my life, without having a bulldozer effect. While intensity is both a plus and a minus in my character makeup, I can strive to remain intensely determined inside, and gently persuasive to others. (Stop laughing! It could happen!!!) Nonetheless, I AM determined to make my journey in life be the absolute best it can be!!!!