adj.
Different from what is usual or common; unusual; singular; peculiar; unique; strange.
What an odd week this has been, with a varied array of strange events. A former student, the one I blogged about two weeks ago, died, and I attended her funeral . . . something that just doesn't make sense when it's a young person, and when, two months from now, I will be attending what should be her graduation. The relationship I've been involved with for months all but dissipated during an otherwise pleasant afternoon lunch date. My ex-husband and I shopped together for a house, for him . . . something we never got the chance to do for us. My students spent an incredible day on a field trip at Ameritowne, a simulation town with businesses the students prepare to run for the day . . . when in reality our economy is tanking and we all worry about the burden that will be placed on these kids' shoulders in the years to come in the recovery. My spring break arrived with my plans all in a shambles, after originally planning on some fun times away. And a very dear friend of mine had her world rocked when she received anonymous hate mail . . . and there isn't anything I can do to help her figure it out, other than give her my support. Like I said, an odd week.
These are the times when I have to dig a little deeper to focus on being grateful for the whole package of my life, not just the good parts. I have to trust that each of these events happened for a reason . . . despite my not knowing what those reasons might be. I do trust that there are reasons, and that they might become more clear eventually. And I am very mindful that I do have plenty of things in my life to be grateful for --- more than I may deserve, actually. I just find myself being a little more irritable during these low times . . . or turning toward sadness, bordering on self-pity, I suppose. When these types of things happened in the past it was easy for me to reprimand myself, for maybe causing things to happen or for reacting in a certain way . . . but this time I've consciously tried a new tactic. I am choosing to love myself more, to wrap myself up in warmth, to envelop my heart in good thoughts and positive images. I would do this for my own children if they were here, facing challenges, so shouldn't I do that for myself? If I don't do this for me . . . who will? I can trust that my faith will get me through the difficulties, but this way I can comfort and help myself to muddle through, too, as I get to a place where I feel better overall.
What I've found, as a result of my newer way of handling some of the hard stuff, is that my "recovery" time has been a bit easier, that my resiliency has kicked in quicker. And rather than stuffing it away, and not really dealing with what emotions are being stirred up, or even at being angry, I am quicker in taking the steps to finding a peaceful place in my heart that says "it's all going to be okay." As I've written about before, I've certainly had a share of difficult times in life, and I wonder if I had used a gentler method of helping myself get through those times would some of my personal revelations of this past year have been able to come to me sooner? Who knows . . . but I'm glad I am learning from those earlier lessons now, and am taking the time to treat myself in a kinder way . . . knowing that there is definitely a reason for my very odd week, and looking forward to a reprieve ahead. I also pray that my friend, as well as the student's family, will be comforted in a similar way from the thoughts I'm sending their ways.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
buoyancy
noun
1. the power to float or rise in a fluid; relative lightness.
2. lightness or resilience of spirit; cheerfulness.
I headed out this afternoon for my usual 5 mile walk, on what can only be called a "teaser" of a day --- mind you, I'm in Denver, where March is historically one of the snowiest months, but today it had to be near 70 degrees, the sun was intense, the sky was that only-in-Colorado azure blue, and no wind (truly a rarity in March!) --- and it felt like full-fledged springtime. What a tease Mother Nature has been lately --- just last week we had several days in the 70's! I didn't even bring a coat along as I walked --- and as we native Coloradans know, you always bring a coat along! While walking I had a clearer mind which helped me to think about many things, as I always do during my jaunts, and one decision was that the word for my blog today was going to be "buoyancy" because that's what I was experiencing in the season with such a glorious day, and because it describes my decided frame-of-mind for my life on a daily basis!
Unfortunately, this was also a day in which I had to visit a former student (and her mom, a former teaching colleague and neighbor from eastern Colorado days), who is in the ICU at a local hospital after a too-close call to death this past week because of one of these stubborn colds that worsened rapidly and dramatically. The girl is in what is similar to an induced coma, and is not yet stable, but her family had been told that it is lucky that she is young because it would have likely killed an older person! If that doesn't stop you in your tracks -----!!! The girl is a student I taught when she was in fourth grade, and she is one of those kids who touched my heart back then and whose growing-up events I've been allowed to watch through Facebook, and because I've loved her for so long, I've watched her bounce back from some difficulties she's faced in her short life ---- which I know has helped her build a determined spirit that is strong enough to fight through this illness, and will allow her to bounce back to graduate and move on with her life-plans. She is a bright spark to me . . . and her cheerfulness, both back when she was my student, and during the years we've kept in contact, has always been encouraging and inspiring.
Also serving as a reminder of bold resiliency and a remarkable ability to bounce back is my son, Jeff, and a recent disappointment he's faced with baseball. Despite what could have been one of the most heart-rendering events in his life, he set his mind to only look forward with his head held high, continuing to live life with great gusto and a "no regrets" attitude. Many in his situation wouldn't have had such a strong outlook. His buoyancy has always been heartening to me.
Then I thought about the role of buoyancy in my own life. I have been deep in thought about some personal things lately, nothing too dramatic, but things that make me ponder about whether decisions I'm making have been strong ones . . . and even with all of the inner work I've been doing and in all of the reading and listening I've done with the myriad books I've inundated myself with, I'm sorry to say that it took me some time before I realized/remembered that the positiveness and love I put out into the Universe is what I will reap in return ---- while instead I've been focusing on the dark and uncertain feelings I'm dealing with. But with that one realization, in one swift moment, I absolutely changed my whole perspective --- and added a very certain buoyancy to my heart, and my step. It truly was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I immediately smiled and picked up the pace of my walk a little bit! Was it that I'd decided that it all comes down to maintaining an outlook that focuses on what is good in my life, versus what could be considered frustrating and difficult? Perhaps. Was it because I so badly want "the right" answer, but am reminded that I have the answers within, once I let them come, and when I "trust the process?" Yes, definitely. And is it because to be worried and over-reactive is a drain on my energy, and ultimately opens my thinking to negativity? That, too!
It has almost become second nature for me to look to the good, and away from the frustrations I sometimes feel, but once in awhile I need a little boost, like today as I headed out on my walk. I wish that focusing on the positive was always my natural first reaction, but I'm still working on that. Yet I am hoping that I can keep in my heart and in my mind the enlightened feeling I have today, along with the buoyancy that comes from realizing the overall truth, which is that with the right perspective, nothing is too overwhelming, and I will always bounce back . . . and always for the better.
1. the power to float or rise in a fluid; relative lightness.
2. lightness or resilience of spirit; cheerfulness.
I headed out this afternoon for my usual 5 mile walk, on what can only be called a "teaser" of a day --- mind you, I'm in Denver, where March is historically one of the snowiest months, but today it had to be near 70 degrees, the sun was intense, the sky was that only-in-Colorado azure blue, and no wind (truly a rarity in March!) --- and it felt like full-fledged springtime. What a tease Mother Nature has been lately --- just last week we had several days in the 70's! I didn't even bring a coat along as I walked --- and as we native Coloradans know, you always bring a coat along! While walking I had a clearer mind which helped me to think about many things, as I always do during my jaunts, and one decision was that the word for my blog today was going to be "buoyancy" because that's what I was experiencing in the season with such a glorious day, and because it describes my decided frame-of-mind for my life on a daily basis!
Unfortunately, this was also a day in which I had to visit a former student (and her mom, a former teaching colleague and neighbor from eastern Colorado days), who is in the ICU at a local hospital after a too-close call to death this past week because of one of these stubborn colds that worsened rapidly and dramatically. The girl is in what is similar to an induced coma, and is not yet stable, but her family had been told that it is lucky that she is young because it would have likely killed an older person! If that doesn't stop you in your tracks -----!!! The girl is a student I taught when she was in fourth grade, and she is one of those kids who touched my heart back then and whose growing-up events I've been allowed to watch through Facebook, and because I've loved her for so long, I've watched her bounce back from some difficulties she's faced in her short life ---- which I know has helped her build a determined spirit that is strong enough to fight through this illness, and will allow her to bounce back to graduate and move on with her life-plans. She is a bright spark to me . . . and her cheerfulness, both back when she was my student, and during the years we've kept in contact, has always been encouraging and inspiring.
Also serving as a reminder of bold resiliency and a remarkable ability to bounce back is my son, Jeff, and a recent disappointment he's faced with baseball. Despite what could have been one of the most heart-rendering events in his life, he set his mind to only look forward with his head held high, continuing to live life with great gusto and a "no regrets" attitude. Many in his situation wouldn't have had such a strong outlook. His buoyancy has always been heartening to me.
Then I thought about the role of buoyancy in my own life. I have been deep in thought about some personal things lately, nothing too dramatic, but things that make me ponder about whether decisions I'm making have been strong ones . . . and even with all of the inner work I've been doing and in all of the reading and listening I've done with the myriad books I've inundated myself with, I'm sorry to say that it took me some time before I realized/remembered that the positiveness and love I put out into the Universe is what I will reap in return ---- while instead I've been focusing on the dark and uncertain feelings I'm dealing with. But with that one realization, in one swift moment, I absolutely changed my whole perspective --- and added a very certain buoyancy to my heart, and my step. It truly was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I immediately smiled and picked up the pace of my walk a little bit! Was it that I'd decided that it all comes down to maintaining an outlook that focuses on what is good in my life, versus what could be considered frustrating and difficult? Perhaps. Was it because I so badly want "the right" answer, but am reminded that I have the answers within, once I let them come, and when I "trust the process?" Yes, definitely. And is it because to be worried and over-reactive is a drain on my energy, and ultimately opens my thinking to negativity? That, too!
It has almost become second nature for me to look to the good, and away from the frustrations I sometimes feel, but once in awhile I need a little boost, like today as I headed out on my walk. I wish that focusing on the positive was always my natural first reaction, but I'm still working on that. Yet I am hoping that I can keep in my heart and in my mind the enlightened feeling I have today, along with the buoyancy that comes from realizing the overall truth, which is that with the right perspective, nothing is too overwhelming, and I will always bounce back . . . and always for the better.
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