odd

adj.

Different from what is usual or common; unusual; singular; peculiar; unique; strange.


What an odd week this has been, with a varied array of strange events. A former student, the one I blogged about two weeks ago, died, and I attended her funeral . . . something that just doesn't make sense when it's a young person, and when, two months from now, I will be attending what should be her graduation. The relationship I've been involved with for months all but dissipated during an otherwise pleasant afternoon lunch date. My ex-husband and I shopped together for a house, for him . . . something we never got the chance to do for us. My students spent an incredible day on a field trip at Ameritowne, a simulation town with businesses the students prepare to run for the day . . . when in reality our economy is tanking and we all worry about the burden that will be placed on these kids' shoulders in the years to come in the recovery. My spring break arrived with my plans all in a shambles, after originally planning on some fun times away. And a very dear friend of mine had her world rocked when she received anonymous hate mail . . . and there isn't anything I can do to help her figure it out, other than give her my support. Like I said, an odd week.

These are the times when I have to dig a little deeper to focus on being grateful for the whole package of my life, not just the good parts. I have to trust that each of these events happened for a reason . . . despite my not knowing what those reasons might be. I do trust that there are reasons, and that they might become more clear eventually. And I am very mindful that I do have plenty of things in my life to be grateful for --- more than I may deserve, actually. I just find myself being a little more irritable during these low times . . . or turning toward sadness, bordering on self-pity, I suppose. When these types of things happened in the past it was easy for me to reprimand myself, for maybe causing things to happen or for reacting in a certain way . . . but this time I've consciously tried a new tactic. I am choosing to love myself more, to wrap myself up in warmth, to envelop my heart in good thoughts and positive images. I would do this for my own children if they were here, facing challenges, so shouldn't I do that for myself? If I don't do this for me . . . who will? I can trust that my faith will get me through the difficulties, but this way I can comfort and help myself to muddle through, too, as I get to a place where I feel better overall.

What I've found, as a result of my newer way of handling some of the hard stuff, is that my "recovery" time has been a bit easier, that my resiliency has kicked in quicker. And rather than stuffing it away, and not really dealing with what emotions are being stirred up, or even at being angry, I am quicker in taking the steps to finding a peaceful place in my heart that says "it's all going to be okay." As I've written about before, I've certainly had a share of difficult times in life, and I wonder if I had used a gentler method of helping myself get through those times would some of my personal revelations of this past year have been able to come to me sooner? Who knows . . . but I'm glad I am learning from those earlier lessons now, and am taking the time to treat myself in a kinder way . . . knowing that there is definitely a reason for my very odd week, and looking forward to a reprieve ahead. I also pray that my friend, as well as the student's family, will be comforted in a similar way from the thoughts I'm sending their ways.