verb (used with an object)
to believe
to expect confidently; hope
rely or depend on
This week was the annual outdoor education trip that I've had to take for about eight years of my teaching career. This is when students are taken on an experiential learning trip to the mountains, staying between one and three nights at a camp. When I changed districts this year I wasn't supposed to attend the one-night trip, but as it turned out I did attend --- though I'm happy to say that I won't have to do it again next year. I will say that it's fun to see the kids learning in a totally different environment, and it's great to be out in the Colorado high country --- but only for a short amount of time with sixty 10-year-olds!
On the way to the camp the bus my homeroom class was in slid off of the freshly-plowed road, into the ditch -- and putting the bus on a slight tilt to the left, threatening to collide into the hill. As an adult I realized that we weren't likely to tip further onto our side, but I wasn't absolutely sure we wouldn't be sliding further down and into the rocks along the hillside. It was an uneasy feeling, but I did trust that we would be fine. However, the 30 kids on the bus weren't as sure, and several were quite scared and in tears. Knowing that my calm demeanor and approach to the situation would be pivotal in helping the kids divert their attention, I rapidly made up a game for us to focus on --- similar to the car games my kids and I would play when they were younger --- and almost immediately the fear and anxiety that the kids were feeling subsided. They now had their trust in me, and in my reassurance that everything would be fine. We were pulled back onto the road, the tires where chained, and forty-five minutes later we arrived at the camp, the day proceeding as it was supposed to.
Over the past months, I, like my students on the bus, have needed some reassurance that the difficulties I was undergoing would be fine, and that my decision-making skills were on track. During my power walks, when I think, pray, and attempt to problem-solve, I've come up with a sort of "mantra" that I use to refocus my efforts --- "Trust the Process." I say it to myself when I'm confused, when I don't understand my relationships, when I am unsure of the choices I'm making --- when I just need to know that I'm not in this life all alone. I've shared the saying with others, and they inevitably ask what it means. At different times and in different situations it can mean slightly different things, but overall I believe it means that I can trust that a greater being, God, is ultimately designing and guiding my life, and that every step on that journey is purposeful and necessary for me to take. I trust that it will all have a reason, in the end.
Maintaining that trust is not exactly easy for a single, independent, growth-oriented woman. I should be able to fix what needs to be fixed, right? Realistically, no, I can't always fix it. I can't control what happens to me, nor can I control anything about the people in my life, but I "trust the process" when I do make decisions about my life, even when everyone around me thinks those decisions are wrong. I did "trust the process" in my move to a new job. I also had to "trust the process" in my personal life, making choices that required a lot of faith in that trust. I "trust the process" in thinking about my future, and in waking up each morning with a positive outlook and the openness of taking it all on with full-force. I do, naturally, question these steps, these decisions, and these outcomes . . . but I have to believe that there are reasons for each event, and that while I may not understand the "why" behind what is happening, I trust that I'll learn the lesson that's intended, go down the road I need to be on, and will end up where I am supposed to be eventually.
I wonder how people who don't have a "trust" in a supreme being manage their difficulties. From where does their hope stem? How do they not emotionally beat themselves up for choices that haven't worked out for their best? How would they approach anything with positivity? In my past there were times when I was so low that I could see glimpses of that type of a life, but with some reading, some thinking, and some help I have been able to avoid that way of thinking for any prolonged time. I DO have faith, I DO hope for a peace and a love, I DO believe that there will be answers to the "whys" . . . and I totally and completely Trust the Process along the way.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
odd
adj.
Different from what is usual or common; unusual; singular; peculiar; unique; strange.
What an odd week this has been, with a varied array of strange events. A former student, the one I blogged about two weeks ago, died, and I attended her funeral . . . something that just doesn't make sense when it's a young person, and when, two months from now, I will be attending what should be her graduation. The relationship I've been involved with for months all but dissipated during an otherwise pleasant afternoon lunch date. My ex-husband and I shopped together for a house, for him . . . something we never got the chance to do for us. My students spent an incredible day on a field trip at Ameritowne, a simulation town with businesses the students prepare to run for the day . . . when in reality our economy is tanking and we all worry about the burden that will be placed on these kids' shoulders in the years to come in the recovery. My spring break arrived with my plans all in a shambles, after originally planning on some fun times away. And a very dear friend of mine had her world rocked when she received anonymous hate mail . . . and there isn't anything I can do to help her figure it out, other than give her my support. Like I said, an odd week.
These are the times when I have to dig a little deeper to focus on being grateful for the whole package of my life, not just the good parts. I have to trust that each of these events happened for a reason . . . despite my not knowing what those reasons might be. I do trust that there are reasons, and that they might become more clear eventually. And I am very mindful that I do have plenty of things in my life to be grateful for --- more than I may deserve, actually. I just find myself being a little more irritable during these low times . . . or turning toward sadness, bordering on self-pity, I suppose. When these types of things happened in the past it was easy for me to reprimand myself, for maybe causing things to happen or for reacting in a certain way . . . but this time I've consciously tried a new tactic. I am choosing to love myself more, to wrap myself up in warmth, to envelop my heart in good thoughts and positive images. I would do this for my own children if they were here, facing challenges, so shouldn't I do that for myself? If I don't do this for me . . . who will? I can trust that my faith will get me through the difficulties, but this way I can comfort and help myself to muddle through, too, as I get to a place where I feel better overall.
What I've found, as a result of my newer way of handling some of the hard stuff, is that my "recovery" time has been a bit easier, that my resiliency has kicked in quicker. And rather than stuffing it away, and not really dealing with what emotions are being stirred up, or even at being angry, I am quicker in taking the steps to finding a peaceful place in my heart that says "it's all going to be okay." As I've written about before, I've certainly had a share of difficult times in life, and I wonder if I had used a gentler method of helping myself get through those times would some of my personal revelations of this past year have been able to come to me sooner? Who knows . . . but I'm glad I am learning from those earlier lessons now, and am taking the time to treat myself in a kinder way . . . knowing that there is definitely a reason for my very odd week, and looking forward to a reprieve ahead. I also pray that my friend, as well as the student's family, will be comforted in a similar way from the thoughts I'm sending their ways.
Different from what is usual or common; unusual; singular; peculiar; unique; strange.
What an odd week this has been, with a varied array of strange events. A former student, the one I blogged about two weeks ago, died, and I attended her funeral . . . something that just doesn't make sense when it's a young person, and when, two months from now, I will be attending what should be her graduation. The relationship I've been involved with for months all but dissipated during an otherwise pleasant afternoon lunch date. My ex-husband and I shopped together for a house, for him . . . something we never got the chance to do for us. My students spent an incredible day on a field trip at Ameritowne, a simulation town with businesses the students prepare to run for the day . . . when in reality our economy is tanking and we all worry about the burden that will be placed on these kids' shoulders in the years to come in the recovery. My spring break arrived with my plans all in a shambles, after originally planning on some fun times away. And a very dear friend of mine had her world rocked when she received anonymous hate mail . . . and there isn't anything I can do to help her figure it out, other than give her my support. Like I said, an odd week.
These are the times when I have to dig a little deeper to focus on being grateful for the whole package of my life, not just the good parts. I have to trust that each of these events happened for a reason . . . despite my not knowing what those reasons might be. I do trust that there are reasons, and that they might become more clear eventually. And I am very mindful that I do have plenty of things in my life to be grateful for --- more than I may deserve, actually. I just find myself being a little more irritable during these low times . . . or turning toward sadness, bordering on self-pity, I suppose. When these types of things happened in the past it was easy for me to reprimand myself, for maybe causing things to happen or for reacting in a certain way . . . but this time I've consciously tried a new tactic. I am choosing to love myself more, to wrap myself up in warmth, to envelop my heart in good thoughts and positive images. I would do this for my own children if they were here, facing challenges, so shouldn't I do that for myself? If I don't do this for me . . . who will? I can trust that my faith will get me through the difficulties, but this way I can comfort and help myself to muddle through, too, as I get to a place where I feel better overall.
What I've found, as a result of my newer way of handling some of the hard stuff, is that my "recovery" time has been a bit easier, that my resiliency has kicked in quicker. And rather than stuffing it away, and not really dealing with what emotions are being stirred up, or even at being angry, I am quicker in taking the steps to finding a peaceful place in my heart that says "it's all going to be okay." As I've written about before, I've certainly had a share of difficult times in life, and I wonder if I had used a gentler method of helping myself get through those times would some of my personal revelations of this past year have been able to come to me sooner? Who knows . . . but I'm glad I am learning from those earlier lessons now, and am taking the time to treat myself in a kinder way . . . knowing that there is definitely a reason for my very odd week, and looking forward to a reprieve ahead. I also pray that my friend, as well as the student's family, will be comforted in a similar way from the thoughts I'm sending their ways.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
buoyancy
noun
1. the power to float or rise in a fluid; relative lightness.
2. lightness or resilience of spirit; cheerfulness.
I headed out this afternoon for my usual 5 mile walk, on what can only be called a "teaser" of a day --- mind you, I'm in Denver, where March is historically one of the snowiest months, but today it had to be near 70 degrees, the sun was intense, the sky was that only-in-Colorado azure blue, and no wind (truly a rarity in March!) --- and it felt like full-fledged springtime. What a tease Mother Nature has been lately --- just last week we had several days in the 70's! I didn't even bring a coat along as I walked --- and as we native Coloradans know, you always bring a coat along! While walking I had a clearer mind which helped me to think about many things, as I always do during my jaunts, and one decision was that the word for my blog today was going to be "buoyancy" because that's what I was experiencing in the season with such a glorious day, and because it describes my decided frame-of-mind for my life on a daily basis!
Unfortunately, this was also a day in which I had to visit a former student (and her mom, a former teaching colleague and neighbor from eastern Colorado days), who is in the ICU at a local hospital after a too-close call to death this past week because of one of these stubborn colds that worsened rapidly and dramatically. The girl is in what is similar to an induced coma, and is not yet stable, but her family had been told that it is lucky that she is young because it would have likely killed an older person! If that doesn't stop you in your tracks -----!!! The girl is a student I taught when she was in fourth grade, and she is one of those kids who touched my heart back then and whose growing-up events I've been allowed to watch through Facebook, and because I've loved her for so long, I've watched her bounce back from some difficulties she's faced in her short life ---- which I know has helped her build a determined spirit that is strong enough to fight through this illness, and will allow her to bounce back to graduate and move on with her life-plans. She is a bright spark to me . . . and her cheerfulness, both back when she was my student, and during the years we've kept in contact, has always been encouraging and inspiring.
Also serving as a reminder of bold resiliency and a remarkable ability to bounce back is my son, Jeff, and a recent disappointment he's faced with baseball. Despite what could have been one of the most heart-rendering events in his life, he set his mind to only look forward with his head held high, continuing to live life with great gusto and a "no regrets" attitude. Many in his situation wouldn't have had such a strong outlook. His buoyancy has always been heartening to me.
Then I thought about the role of buoyancy in my own life. I have been deep in thought about some personal things lately, nothing too dramatic, but things that make me ponder about whether decisions I'm making have been strong ones . . . and even with all of the inner work I've been doing and in all of the reading and listening I've done with the myriad books I've inundated myself with, I'm sorry to say that it took me some time before I realized/remembered that the positiveness and love I put out into the Universe is what I will reap in return ---- while instead I've been focusing on the dark and uncertain feelings I'm dealing with. But with that one realization, in one swift moment, I absolutely changed my whole perspective --- and added a very certain buoyancy to my heart, and my step. It truly was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I immediately smiled and picked up the pace of my walk a little bit! Was it that I'd decided that it all comes down to maintaining an outlook that focuses on what is good in my life, versus what could be considered frustrating and difficult? Perhaps. Was it because I so badly want "the right" answer, but am reminded that I have the answers within, once I let them come, and when I "trust the process?" Yes, definitely. And is it because to be worried and over-reactive is a drain on my energy, and ultimately opens my thinking to negativity? That, too!
It has almost become second nature for me to look to the good, and away from the frustrations I sometimes feel, but once in awhile I need a little boost, like today as I headed out on my walk. I wish that focusing on the positive was always my natural first reaction, but I'm still working on that. Yet I am hoping that I can keep in my heart and in my mind the enlightened feeling I have today, along with the buoyancy that comes from realizing the overall truth, which is that with the right perspective, nothing is too overwhelming, and I will always bounce back . . . and always for the better.
1. the power to float or rise in a fluid; relative lightness.
2. lightness or resilience of spirit; cheerfulness.
I headed out this afternoon for my usual 5 mile walk, on what can only be called a "teaser" of a day --- mind you, I'm in Denver, where March is historically one of the snowiest months, but today it had to be near 70 degrees, the sun was intense, the sky was that only-in-Colorado azure blue, and no wind (truly a rarity in March!) --- and it felt like full-fledged springtime. What a tease Mother Nature has been lately --- just last week we had several days in the 70's! I didn't even bring a coat along as I walked --- and as we native Coloradans know, you always bring a coat along! While walking I had a clearer mind which helped me to think about many things, as I always do during my jaunts, and one decision was that the word for my blog today was going to be "buoyancy" because that's what I was experiencing in the season with such a glorious day, and because it describes my decided frame-of-mind for my life on a daily basis!
Unfortunately, this was also a day in which I had to visit a former student (and her mom, a former teaching colleague and neighbor from eastern Colorado days), who is in the ICU at a local hospital after a too-close call to death this past week because of one of these stubborn colds that worsened rapidly and dramatically. The girl is in what is similar to an induced coma, and is not yet stable, but her family had been told that it is lucky that she is young because it would have likely killed an older person! If that doesn't stop you in your tracks -----!!! The girl is a student I taught when she was in fourth grade, and she is one of those kids who touched my heart back then and whose growing-up events I've been allowed to watch through Facebook, and because I've loved her for so long, I've watched her bounce back from some difficulties she's faced in her short life ---- which I know has helped her build a determined spirit that is strong enough to fight through this illness, and will allow her to bounce back to graduate and move on with her life-plans. She is a bright spark to me . . . and her cheerfulness, both back when she was my student, and during the years we've kept in contact, has always been encouraging and inspiring.
Also serving as a reminder of bold resiliency and a remarkable ability to bounce back is my son, Jeff, and a recent disappointment he's faced with baseball. Despite what could have been one of the most heart-rendering events in his life, he set his mind to only look forward with his head held high, continuing to live life with great gusto and a "no regrets" attitude. Many in his situation wouldn't have had such a strong outlook. His buoyancy has always been heartening to me.
Then I thought about the role of buoyancy in my own life. I have been deep in thought about some personal things lately, nothing too dramatic, but things that make me ponder about whether decisions I'm making have been strong ones . . . and even with all of the inner work I've been doing and in all of the reading and listening I've done with the myriad books I've inundated myself with, I'm sorry to say that it took me some time before I realized/remembered that the positiveness and love I put out into the Universe is what I will reap in return ---- while instead I've been focusing on the dark and uncertain feelings I'm dealing with. But with that one realization, in one swift moment, I absolutely changed my whole perspective --- and added a very certain buoyancy to my heart, and my step. It truly was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I immediately smiled and picked up the pace of my walk a little bit! Was it that I'd decided that it all comes down to maintaining an outlook that focuses on what is good in my life, versus what could be considered frustrating and difficult? Perhaps. Was it because I so badly want "the right" answer, but am reminded that I have the answers within, once I let them come, and when I "trust the process?" Yes, definitely. And is it because to be worried and over-reactive is a drain on my energy, and ultimately opens my thinking to negativity? That, too!
It has almost become second nature for me to look to the good, and away from the frustrations I sometimes feel, but once in awhile I need a little boost, like today as I headed out on my walk. I wish that focusing on the positive was always my natural first reaction, but I'm still working on that. Yet I am hoping that I can keep in my heart and in my mind the enlightened feeling I have today, along with the buoyancy that comes from realizing the overall truth, which is that with the right perspective, nothing is too overwhelming, and I will always bounce back . . . and always for the better.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
determination
1. the quality of being resolute; firmness of purpose.
2. the decision or settlement arrived at or pronounced.
3. the quality of being resolute; firmness of purpose.
I'm sitting at my computer today, excited after having attended the reading and writing conference (CCIRA) in Denver for the past three days, my head exploding with new ideas, new thinking, and a new determination to step up my teaching, once again. I say "once again," because I feel this way every year after attending CCIRA . . . but this year is a little different. I have a whole new "life-attitude" working for me, a new determined spirit to make everything in my life more purposeful and pronounced . . . and I will add to this my level and quality of instruction in my classroom.
As most of my friends now know, I have really put forth a lot of determined energy into getting things straight in my life over the last year. I've analyzed the many facets of my world, have made concerted efforts to improve and renew certain avenues, and know that I now truly and automatically approach everyday with a vitality and eagerness to "make it a great day" which had been missing for me for so very long . . . if it had ever really been there to start with. As usual, I saw many friends and acquaintances at the conference that I only see once a year, and every single one of them made a comment about how relaxed or happy I seem, or how I look better than ever. I guess when you do only see someone once a year that difference is noticeable and you can bet that I'm appreciative and grateful for their comments. But beyond that, I DO feel better, I AM happy, and I am in far better health than I've been in a long time. My determination to change my life is showing great results! I'm not sure if it's the effects of the two pots of coffee this morning or not, but I almost have a giddy feeling about the positive turns I have made in my life .
In the classroom I do pride myself on my teaching ability, the rapport I build with every child, the colleagiality I develop with those I work with, and the lessons I generate. It's not to say that I've done a poor job teaching in the past couple of years, but I realized that I'd definitely lost the spark for my endeavors awhile ago, and it wasn't until I changed districts and environments that it really came to light. I'm excited about my new opportunity, and about being able to put forth strong thinking and expertise into helping to further the teachers' understandings in my building. Now I want to take that enthusiasm, be reflective in how to best implement the ideas into my instruction, and to take kids on the journey of their (school) lives. Call it determination (many call it my stubborn streak) or just being resolute, but I know I can make my practice better . . . and I'd never, ever say that I don't have something new to learn in the process.
In my personal life, I am more determined than ever to live every day with a sense of gratitude and appreciation, striving always to be my best and to provide that "me" to those in my life. . . whether that be in parenting (even though they're grown and gone), being a devoted friend, consoling or counseling a friend in need, or venturing into a growing relationship. Who knows what tomorrow brings, so for me to not give my all, and to be receptive of these same qualities from others, seems senseless. I love when I end a phone call with a smile, or when I give a friend a hug (and I love to give and get hugs!) and know it was genuinely returned, or when my quick wit can make someone burst out laughing. Who wouldn't? These are the parts of my personality that are so natural and easy to share . . . but it hasn't always been so. I remember when, not really all that long ago, I didn't like being touched. When saying "I love you" was rare (and difficult, other than to my kids) for me. When my wit was full of meanness and cynical sarcasm. What an energy drain it was to carry that unpleasantness. However, over the past few years I've been able to shed those contrary aspects and have s-l-o-w-l-y realized that I am likable (dare I say lovable?), that friends give hugs in absolute sincerity, and that my ability to say and hear pleasant comments feels good. Sounds sappy, I know, but it also gives me a slightly unique ability -- and determination -- to see these "unpolished" areas in other peoples lives, including the kids I interact with daily, allowing me a better perspective on making their days a bit brighter, too.
I guess that it comes down to using determination . . . okay, my stubborn nature . . . in ways that foster positiveness and forward-movement first for myself, and then for those who surround my life, without having a bulldozer effect. While intensity is both a plus and a minus in my character makeup, I can strive to remain intensely determined inside, and gently persuasive to others. (Stop laughing! It could happen!!!) Nonetheless, I AM determined to make my journey in life be the absolute best it can be!!!!
2. the decision or settlement arrived at or pronounced.
3. the quality of being resolute; firmness of purpose.
I'm sitting at my computer today, excited after having attended the reading and writing conference (CCIRA) in Denver for the past three days, my head exploding with new ideas, new thinking, and a new determination to step up my teaching, once again. I say "once again," because I feel this way every year after attending CCIRA . . . but this year is a little different. I have a whole new "life-attitude" working for me, a new determined spirit to make everything in my life more purposeful and pronounced . . . and I will add to this my level and quality of instruction in my classroom.
As most of my friends now know, I have really put forth a lot of determined energy into getting things straight in my life over the last year. I've analyzed the many facets of my world, have made concerted efforts to improve and renew certain avenues, and know that I now truly and automatically approach everyday with a vitality and eagerness to "make it a great day" which had been missing for me for so very long . . . if it had ever really been there to start with. As usual, I saw many friends and acquaintances at the conference that I only see once a year, and every single one of them made a comment about how relaxed or happy I seem, or how I look better than ever. I guess when you do only see someone once a year that difference is noticeable and you can bet that I'm appreciative and grateful for their comments. But beyond that, I DO feel better, I AM happy, and I am in far better health than I've been in a long time. My determination to change my life is showing great results! I'm not sure if it's the effects of the two pots of coffee this morning or not, but I almost have a giddy feeling about the positive turns I have made in my life .
In the classroom I do pride myself on my teaching ability, the rapport I build with every child, the colleagiality I develop with those I work with, and the lessons I generate. It's not to say that I've done a poor job teaching in the past couple of years, but I realized that I'd definitely lost the spark for my endeavors awhile ago, and it wasn't until I changed districts and environments that it really came to light. I'm excited about my new opportunity, and about being able to put forth strong thinking and expertise into helping to further the teachers' understandings in my building. Now I want to take that enthusiasm, be reflective in how to best implement the ideas into my instruction, and to take kids on the journey of their (school) lives. Call it determination (many call it my stubborn streak) or just being resolute, but I know I can make my practice better . . . and I'd never, ever say that I don't have something new to learn in the process.
In my personal life, I am more determined than ever to live every day with a sense of gratitude and appreciation, striving always to be my best and to provide that "me" to those in my life. . . whether that be in parenting (even though they're grown and gone), being a devoted friend, consoling or counseling a friend in need, or venturing into a growing relationship. Who knows what tomorrow brings, so for me to not give my all, and to be receptive of these same qualities from others, seems senseless. I love when I end a phone call with a smile, or when I give a friend a hug (and I love to give and get hugs!) and know it was genuinely returned, or when my quick wit can make someone burst out laughing. Who wouldn't? These are the parts of my personality that are so natural and easy to share . . . but it hasn't always been so. I remember when, not really all that long ago, I didn't like being touched. When saying "I love you" was rare (and difficult, other than to my kids) for me. When my wit was full of meanness and cynical sarcasm. What an energy drain it was to carry that unpleasantness. However, over the past few years I've been able to shed those contrary aspects and have s-l-o-w-l-y realized that I am likable (dare I say lovable?), that friends give hugs in absolute sincerity, and that my ability to say and hear pleasant comments feels good. Sounds sappy, I know, but it also gives me a slightly unique ability -- and determination -- to see these "unpolished" areas in other peoples lives, including the kids I interact with daily, allowing me a better perspective on making their days a bit brighter, too.
I guess that it comes down to using determination . . . okay, my stubborn nature . . . in ways that foster positiveness and forward-movement first for myself, and then for those who surround my life, without having a bulldozer effect. While intensity is both a plus and a minus in my character makeup, I can strive to remain intensely determined inside, and gently persuasive to others. (Stop laughing! It could happen!!!) Nonetheless, I AM determined to make my journey in life be the absolute best it can be!!!!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
resilience
noun
1. the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed or stretched; elasticity.
2. ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.
I had an interesting conversation the other day with a friend/life coach (www.mind-shifts.com) about resilience, and the role that it has played in my life. It was during this discussion that I had revealed to her some of the many events I've lived through in my life . . . and she was amazed at how resilient I've been able to be. I knew that I'd had to bounce back from much adversity, but I'd always thought "doesn't everyone?" And then I was reminded of a very recent event in one of my dearest friends' life where a family member's resilience was not strong enough to pull her from her problems. Maybe I have had more than my share of practice at being able to recover from life's events, so much so that I've taken this developed skill in my own life for granted . . .
Or maybe it's that I've always known to focus on the positive parts of life, more than the most difficult times. I'm not sure about having always known that, though. I do believe that it's been something that has necessarily developed along the way. Just for perspective's sake (and not because I enjoy dragging this stuff up) let me list some of the more stressful experiences I've endured (not in order): right from the start, I was born two and a half months after my father tragically passed away; I grew up feeling separate, alone and treated severely for my whole life after my mother remarried (age 2 1/2); I've had three painful divorces; suffered a miscarriage; had twin babies born early who then were in and out of hospitals for their first six months of life, with one having surgery on his head and skull at five months old; suffered having one beautiful stepdaughter killed in a car accident at 16; had a home literally blown away in a micro-burst (mini-tornado) while my husband was in it; have been arrested after someone close to me used my identity illegally and broke the law; was the main source of support for a family member who went through rehab; had a car stolen the night after moving into a new home; had an apartment burn down exactly one week after moving my family in; survived an abusive and violent marriage; returned to college to complete my degree and teaching license in four years with no money, no home, and no career while being a newly-divorced single mom who had always stayed at home to raise kids; stood up to a rural school board who didn't like having a strong-willed "city" woman at their school; have very distant family-of-origin ties; and several other events too personal to list. Yes, there have been a lot of terrible circumstances, but it's only when I begin to list them out that I even give the idea that I've had to be resilient any thought. But let me say right here and now ---- I thank God that I've been able to recoup after each and every event. And while recovering through the fallout of these occurrences is sometimes worse than the actual incident, this has all factored into the person I have become today, which is a centered, loving, happy woman.
Now, why was I focusing on the whole idea of resilience in the first place? As has been chronicled in this blog, about six months ago I began a journey into making myself into a better person. I was on a roll, and was quite proud of the changes I'd made in my life. Part of my decision to take on that task was due to choosing to end a certain time of my life, and in some respects, the beginning of a new road I was traveling down. It was exciting and I felt fantastically successful . . . until that road abruptly developed an obstacle that was seemingly too large to circumvent. Another event from which to bounce back. But really it was a time to refocus, recenter and get through the roadblock to move forward again. And I have done just that, with a vengeance. In a remarkably short amount of time I'd dug deep to find myself, worked to be even better at being me, and am now at the best place I've ever been in my life!
Part of building on the capacity to be resilient has been how that has effected my kids, and the development of their own resiliency. They, too, endured much of the above-listed events, unfortunately, along with several other tragedies along the way. But their strength is astonishing, and they have each weathered their own set-backs so incredibly well. Along with other remarkable events in their lives, Jeff was signed to pitch in the Boston Red Sox organization right out of college, only to be sent home because his shoulder wouldn't pass the physical; Justin had tremendous talent as a catcher, but had to walk away from baseball while still playing in college; and Jillian has now graduated with a degree that can't get her a job in this economy, despite her amazing resume and background. Yet each of them have the faith and the ability to look beyond the immediacy of their dire situations and continue moving forward. I am so proud of who they each have become, and their own personal levels of resiliency they've displayed. They are amazing people, and I know that they will pass along this to their children in the future, too.
I have to say that it probably would be easy to look at my life and say "geez, give it up already!" and just wallow in self-pity for awhile. That's absolutely not my style, and I would hope that things never get to a point when I would possibly think that. I am so blessed to have had the other wonderful events in my life along the way: I've had three of the very best people bless my life, each born to me in incredible ways; I have gotten a bachelor's and a master's degree in a career I am quite good at and that I very much enjoy; I have so very many beautiful, wonderful friends whom I love and who love me; I have my home I am proud to own; I am mother-in-law to a fabulous woman; I have a love of life and curiousity for things yet unknown; I have a strong and steady relationship with God whose love is never-ending and unconditional; I have touched the lives of kids in many parts of Colorado and who still are happy to see/hear from Ms. Harbert; I have a heart that loves and is open to love; and I have the best fat-cat in the world! And things are still continuing down a very positive path. Weighing the good against the bad, I'm happy to say that my life is good . . . . no, my life is wonderful.
Am I done having to be resilient? No, I'm sure I'm not . . . but I have the ability to use that skill well, and more importantly, I know that there will also continue to be phenomenally awesome times to focus on instead!!!
1. the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed or stretched; elasticity.
2. ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.
I had an interesting conversation the other day with a friend/life coach (www.mind-shifts.com) about resilience, and the role that it has played in my life. It was during this discussion that I had revealed to her some of the many events I've lived through in my life . . . and she was amazed at how resilient I've been able to be. I knew that I'd had to bounce back from much adversity, but I'd always thought "doesn't everyone?" And then I was reminded of a very recent event in one of my dearest friends' life where a family member's resilience was not strong enough to pull her from her problems. Maybe I have had more than my share of practice at being able to recover from life's events, so much so that I've taken this developed skill in my own life for granted . . .
Or maybe it's that I've always known to focus on the positive parts of life, more than the most difficult times. I'm not sure about having always known that, though. I do believe that it's been something that has necessarily developed along the way. Just for perspective's sake (and not because I enjoy dragging this stuff up) let me list some of the more stressful experiences I've endured (not in order): right from the start, I was born two and a half months after my father tragically passed away; I grew up feeling separate, alone and treated severely for my whole life after my mother remarried (age 2 1/2); I've had three painful divorces; suffered a miscarriage; had twin babies born early who then were in and out of hospitals for their first six months of life, with one having surgery on his head and skull at five months old; suffered having one beautiful stepdaughter killed in a car accident at 16; had a home literally blown away in a micro-burst (mini-tornado) while my husband was in it; have been arrested after someone close to me used my identity illegally and broke the law; was the main source of support for a family member who went through rehab; had a car stolen the night after moving into a new home; had an apartment burn down exactly one week after moving my family in; survived an abusive and violent marriage; returned to college to complete my degree and teaching license in four years with no money, no home, and no career while being a newly-divorced single mom who had always stayed at home to raise kids; stood up to a rural school board who didn't like having a strong-willed "city" woman at their school; have very distant family-of-origin ties; and several other events too personal to list. Yes, there have been a lot of terrible circumstances, but it's only when I begin to list them out that I even give the idea that I've had to be resilient any thought. But let me say right here and now ---- I thank God that I've been able to recoup after each and every event. And while recovering through the fallout of these occurrences is sometimes worse than the actual incident, this has all factored into the person I have become today, which is a centered, loving, happy woman.
Now, why was I focusing on the whole idea of resilience in the first place? As has been chronicled in this blog, about six months ago I began a journey into making myself into a better person. I was on a roll, and was quite proud of the changes I'd made in my life. Part of my decision to take on that task was due to choosing to end a certain time of my life, and in some respects, the beginning of a new road I was traveling down. It was exciting and I felt fantastically successful . . . until that road abruptly developed an obstacle that was seemingly too large to circumvent. Another event from which to bounce back. But really it was a time to refocus, recenter and get through the roadblock to move forward again. And I have done just that, with a vengeance. In a remarkably short amount of time I'd dug deep to find myself, worked to be even better at being me, and am now at the best place I've ever been in my life!
Part of building on the capacity to be resilient has been how that has effected my kids, and the development of their own resiliency. They, too, endured much of the above-listed events, unfortunately, along with several other tragedies along the way. But their strength is astonishing, and they have each weathered their own set-backs so incredibly well. Along with other remarkable events in their lives, Jeff was signed to pitch in the Boston Red Sox organization right out of college, only to be sent home because his shoulder wouldn't pass the physical; Justin had tremendous talent as a catcher, but had to walk away from baseball while still playing in college; and Jillian has now graduated with a degree that can't get her a job in this economy, despite her amazing resume and background. Yet each of them have the faith and the ability to look beyond the immediacy of their dire situations and continue moving forward. I am so proud of who they each have become, and their own personal levels of resiliency they've displayed. They are amazing people, and I know that they will pass along this to their children in the future, too.
I have to say that it probably would be easy to look at my life and say "geez, give it up already!" and just wallow in self-pity for awhile. That's absolutely not my style, and I would hope that things never get to a point when I would possibly think that. I am so blessed to have had the other wonderful events in my life along the way: I've had three of the very best people bless my life, each born to me in incredible ways; I have gotten a bachelor's and a master's degree in a career I am quite good at and that I very much enjoy; I have so very many beautiful, wonderful friends whom I love and who love me; I have my home I am proud to own; I am mother-in-law to a fabulous woman; I have a love of life and curiousity for things yet unknown; I have a strong and steady relationship with God whose love is never-ending and unconditional; I have touched the lives of kids in many parts of Colorado and who still are happy to see/hear from Ms. Harbert; I have a heart that loves and is open to love; and I have the best fat-cat in the world! And things are still continuing down a very positive path. Weighing the good against the bad, I'm happy to say that my life is good . . . . no, my life is wonderful.
Am I done having to be resilient? No, I'm sure I'm not . . . but I have the ability to use that skill well, and more importantly, I know that there will also continue to be phenomenally awesome times to focus on instead!!!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
wholeness
adjective
1. pertaining to all aspects of human nature, esp. one's physical, intellectual, and spiritual development
2. not broken, damaged, or impaired; intact
3. containing all the elements properly belonging; complete
So, I've been doing a lot of heavy-ish reading these days, and I keep running across the same idea, that in order to be your happiest and emotionally healthiest, you need to be approaching life from a whole person perspective. Odd, I'm thinking, because I'm not sure if I would be considered whole, even though I'm not missing anything . . . at least not anything of major importance . . . am I? Is that what it means to be "whole," that all components are within? Could some of my recent happenings be because I wasn't complete, I wasn't whole?
I dove into this idea of finding out if I would be considered "whole" or not with a vengeance. First of all, I wanted to know if I needed to be "whole." Did being whole mean that I would have no flaws in my personality or character? Would it mean that I would have everything about being a good person figured out already? Would it mean that I was lacking in some way if I wasn't whole? So many questions . . . So I charted it out for myself. I started with the idea that to be a person of wholeness I would need a healthy balance of physical, spiritual, emotional and intellectual sides of myself. I decided on three columns for my chart to help with the process. Column 1: What traits do I have that I consider to be consistent with "wholeness?" This column had about 25 items, of which I could easily find within myself. The second column listed elements that I'm not entirely sure contribute to what makes a person "whole," and there were four things listed here. Then the third column listed items that I don't believe factor into what makes a person "whole," and there were five points here. When I looked at this chart, I realized that on paper I appeared to have a lot of balance and wholeness in myself. I pondered over these three columns, contemplating on whether something was missing (sort of like I was doing within myself!), but settled on my chart the way it was, since I had included what I thought was important to defining what wholeness.
A friend of mine has done so much inner work through her yoga teachings, so I probed her thinking on this a bit, first asking if she believed herself to be whole, to which she said she does. She helped me deduce that what I had come up with in my chart was on the mark, and when I said that I believed that I AM whole, she agreed, (whew!) congratulating me on doing this difficult work. She has had the opportunity to work through a lot of these types of areas with her yoga studies, and we talked about how most people don't really delve into this learning all that deeply overall, unless through therapy. My reason for doing this work and this thinking is because I have experienced a bit of a tailspin, wondering just what wasn't "right" with me overall, and what could be missing within myself to be where I was, at that moment. But what a fabulous occasion to take on this thinking, and to dive deeply into finally (at my age!) fully realizing who I am, and celebrating that, too, along the way! What a terrific realization it's been!!!
In addition, I believe that being whole doesn't mean that I've got it all together every moment of every day. To me, it means that on a consistent basis I approach the different aspects of my life through the lens of wholeness, and that if I had some areas that were really weak within, the balance of being able to handle those conditions would be off, leading to extreme emotional imbalance. I am not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but neither am I drastically flawed in any facet of my character. I have areas that are continuing to grow, and knowledge that I'm constantly uncovering. And I pray that I will always approach life this way. I will forever have room to grow. But in the end, I am as complete as I need to be at this time in my life, given that I'm here, walking with Grace, going through what life brings me with God at my side.
Not too long ago I was reading a book called Happy For No Reason, by Marci Shimoff, and I shared with my friends that by identifying what happiness is, I was realizing that I'm a lot happier than I thought I was! It's much the same with this thinking on wholeness. Though I felt pretty complete, I was worried that I did have something "missing" within, that I wasn't approaching life with a healthy and whole heart and soul, but after itemizing these things out, and believing that I could trust my own feelings, I realize I AM quite whole, after all!!! It comes down to being aware of what something truly IS, and then trusting yourself to know you either have it, or need to work on it. I love that I've come to so many wonderful revelations in this new year!!
I absolutely love my life and where and who I am!!
1. pertaining to all aspects of human nature, esp. one's physical, intellectual, and spiritual development
2. not broken, damaged, or impaired; intact
3. containing all the elements properly belonging; complete
So, I've been doing a lot of heavy-ish reading these days, and I keep running across the same idea, that in order to be your happiest and emotionally healthiest, you need to be approaching life from a whole person perspective. Odd, I'm thinking, because I'm not sure if I would be considered whole, even though I'm not missing anything . . . at least not anything of major importance . . . am I? Is that what it means to be "whole," that all components are within? Could some of my recent happenings be because I wasn't complete, I wasn't whole?
I dove into this idea of finding out if I would be considered "whole" or not with a vengeance. First of all, I wanted to know if I needed to be "whole." Did being whole mean that I would have no flaws in my personality or character? Would it mean that I would have everything about being a good person figured out already? Would it mean that I was lacking in some way if I wasn't whole? So many questions . . . So I charted it out for myself. I started with the idea that to be a person of wholeness I would need a healthy balance of physical, spiritual, emotional and intellectual sides of myself. I decided on three columns for my chart to help with the process. Column 1: What traits do I have that I consider to be consistent with "wholeness?" This column had about 25 items, of which I could easily find within myself. The second column listed elements that I'm not entirely sure contribute to what makes a person "whole," and there were four things listed here. Then the third column listed items that I don't believe factor into what makes a person "whole," and there were five points here. When I looked at this chart, I realized that on paper I appeared to have a lot of balance and wholeness in myself. I pondered over these three columns, contemplating on whether something was missing (sort of like I was doing within myself!), but settled on my chart the way it was, since I had included what I thought was important to defining what wholeness.
A friend of mine has done so much inner work through her yoga teachings, so I probed her thinking on this a bit, first asking if she believed herself to be whole, to which she said she does. She helped me deduce that what I had come up with in my chart was on the mark, and when I said that I believed that I AM whole, she agreed, (whew!) congratulating me on doing this difficult work. She has had the opportunity to work through a lot of these types of areas with her yoga studies, and we talked about how most people don't really delve into this learning all that deeply overall, unless through therapy. My reason for doing this work and this thinking is because I have experienced a bit of a tailspin, wondering just what wasn't "right" with me overall, and what could be missing within myself to be where I was, at that moment. But what a fabulous occasion to take on this thinking, and to dive deeply into finally (at my age!) fully realizing who I am, and celebrating that, too, along the way! What a terrific realization it's been!!!
In addition, I believe that being whole doesn't mean that I've got it all together every moment of every day. To me, it means that on a consistent basis I approach the different aspects of my life through the lens of wholeness, and that if I had some areas that were really weak within, the balance of being able to handle those conditions would be off, leading to extreme emotional imbalance. I am not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but neither am I drastically flawed in any facet of my character. I have areas that are continuing to grow, and knowledge that I'm constantly uncovering. And I pray that I will always approach life this way. I will forever have room to grow. But in the end, I am as complete as I need to be at this time in my life, given that I'm here, walking with Grace, going through what life brings me with God at my side.
Not too long ago I was reading a book called Happy For No Reason, by Marci Shimoff, and I shared with my friends that by identifying what happiness is, I was realizing that I'm a lot happier than I thought I was! It's much the same with this thinking on wholeness. Though I felt pretty complete, I was worried that I did have something "missing" within, that I wasn't approaching life with a healthy and whole heart and soul, but after itemizing these things out, and believing that I could trust my own feelings, I realize I AM quite whole, after all!!! It comes down to being aware of what something truly IS, and then trusting yourself to know you either have it, or need to work on it. I love that I've come to so many wonderful revelations in this new year!!
I absolutely love my life and where and who I am!!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
reflection
noun
a fixing of the thoughts on something; careful consideration
and
an image; representation; counterpart
Big surprise . . . I'm in a reflective place at the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009. Those who know me well aren't the least bit surprised at this. They know that I tend to over think and over-analyze everything, pretty much all of the time. But this time the reflection is a little bit different. I'm not just looking back and deciding what I need to improve upon or work at in 2009. No, this reflection is more about the type of reflection that results from looking into a mirror . . . where my question is: When I look at myself, is what is being reflected back out of the mirror truly who I am?
The year 2008 has been a huge twelve month period for me. It was a time for change, in my job, in my personal life, in my desire to take better care of myself, and in my attitude. And there was A LOT of change. I changed my job and school districts, taking a pretty huge risk and a change in pay. I made some strong decisions in my personal life that were both sad and difficult, and amazing and new. I grew more accustomed to living alone in my fully empty nest, with everyone having moved on in their lives. I started exercising to help me mentally and physically. I became stronger and perhaps more independent while watching and supporting close friends as they ended decades-long marriages, resolving to not grow bitter and cynical about commitment and marriage. I forgave myself, and others, for difficult situations in my life, and allowed my heart to open again with hope and possibility. And I decided that it was time I be grateful for who I am, what my life offers me, and the knowledge that God has continually been beside me, and has taught me to make good choices . . . and to learn from the consequences for the decisions I have had trouble with. Somewhere about mid-year I realized just how I take so much for granted . . . and I made a concentrated and focused effort to have an attitude of gratitude for everything in my life.
But, the best of intentions . . . Somewhere along the line that attitude became a little more elusive, I'm sorry to say. I walk nearly everyday, for somewhere between 4 and 6 miles, and I start my walk off with gratitudes --- being thankful for a laundry list of things I had to be grateful for each day, from the beautiful weather, to my children's happenings, to my personal life . . . and it felt so good (and right) to be saying "thanks." As the seasons changed, though, I realized that my gratitude list became more hurried, and my list of current dilemmas that I wanted to talk about grew more urgent, when now I can clearly see how it should have been the opposite! I was, and am, still so grateful for everything in and everyday of my life, but rather than continue to focus more heavily on being thankful, I focused on the struggles . . . to the point that when I recently saw a dear friend of mine, he asked what had happened, to change where I'd been in late summer, when I had been exuding happiness and a lightness in my being, to the place I was at in my life that day.
Great question.
I definitely took my eye off the ball. I let the minutiae of life consume me, taking me from the positive, risk-taking, daredevil of a confident woman, to the woman who now was more unsure and insecure than I'd been in a very long time. What had happened?
Being true to form, I got online and requested books from the library, checking out volumes on happiness and confidence and self-improvement and grace and intention . . . and I realized that while I might have fallen off of the track lately, I hadn't abandoned my true self. I'm still here . . . and I wanted ME back. Thank goodness that a booster shot of reading and praying and reminders from dear friends can get the train rolling down the right track again. And just last night, another great friend noted on how happy I seem, and how good I look, and how it's the best she's seen me in years.
Were it only as simple as reading some pages and reflecting on the past. It isn't. There have been hurtful times, and a redirection of my life, and the holidays (which are always hard for me!) . . . but couldn't I be grateful for each of those things too? Couldn't I take the unique opportunity to learn from these events, in order to continue to grow . . . and also show gratitude? With two weeks of not working ahead of me, and plenty of time for reading and writing, the occasion to become introspective and appreciative couldn't have happened at a better moment. And so I dug in, got down and dirty, and did the work. And I'm so glad that I did. I have had some revolutionary discoveries . . . which have me shaking my head at how far off the mark I've been . . . but knowing that I can make things right again.
What I've realized the most, however, is that I am so incredibly grateful for every type of relationship in my life, and how the nurturing and nourishing I need to do with these relationships is so important. The selfishness I have displayed to my friends and my children at different times of this year --- I'm embarrassed at my behavior. As if they should be showering me with gratitude at the fact that I am in their lives. What???? I've acted as though when I am having a hard time they should be the ones to build me back up, when in reality it is up to me to find the courage and the joy that brings it all back together for myself, which, thankfully, wasn't buried too deeply for me to recover. And I remember, now, that life moves fast enough, thank you very much, and I mustn't hurry the process along. I need to be happy and content with what every day brings to me, and the speed at which it is delivered, and that I will appreciate and be grateful for the opportunity to have these relationships . . . and I don't need to push, drive, pressure, or control things, nor do I need others to deliver me through the muck. I have a guiding light, for which I'm grateful, who will teach me how to do that for myself, in order to fully love and appreciate and nourish the important people in my life just for who they are, and not for what they've done for me. I am grateful for these people, these relationships . . . and so blessed to have such loving and caring people in my life.
So while the reflection in the mirror might have been hazy for a bit, it's clear and bright and portraying the true gratitude and hope that I live with in my heart. And it's about time that happen again!!!! Here's to 2009!
a fixing of the thoughts on something; careful consideration
and
an image; representation; counterpart
Big surprise . . . I'm in a reflective place at the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009. Those who know me well aren't the least bit surprised at this. They know that I tend to over think and over-analyze everything, pretty much all of the time. But this time the reflection is a little bit different. I'm not just looking back and deciding what I need to improve upon or work at in 2009. No, this reflection is more about the type of reflection that results from looking into a mirror . . . where my question is: When I look at myself, is what is being reflected back out of the mirror truly who I am?
The year 2008 has been a huge twelve month period for me. It was a time for change, in my job, in my personal life, in my desire to take better care of myself, and in my attitude. And there was A LOT of change. I changed my job and school districts, taking a pretty huge risk and a change in pay. I made some strong decisions in my personal life that were both sad and difficult, and amazing and new. I grew more accustomed to living alone in my fully empty nest, with everyone having moved on in their lives. I started exercising to help me mentally and physically. I became stronger and perhaps more independent while watching and supporting close friends as they ended decades-long marriages, resolving to not grow bitter and cynical about commitment and marriage. I forgave myself, and others, for difficult situations in my life, and allowed my heart to open again with hope and possibility. And I decided that it was time I be grateful for who I am, what my life offers me, and the knowledge that God has continually been beside me, and has taught me to make good choices . . . and to learn from the consequences for the decisions I have had trouble with. Somewhere about mid-year I realized just how I take so much for granted . . . and I made a concentrated and focused effort to have an attitude of gratitude for everything in my life.
But, the best of intentions . . . Somewhere along the line that attitude became a little more elusive, I'm sorry to say. I walk nearly everyday, for somewhere between 4 and 6 miles, and I start my walk off with gratitudes --- being thankful for a laundry list of things I had to be grateful for each day, from the beautiful weather, to my children's happenings, to my personal life . . . and it felt so good (and right) to be saying "thanks." As the seasons changed, though, I realized that my gratitude list became more hurried, and my list of current dilemmas that I wanted to talk about grew more urgent, when now I can clearly see how it should have been the opposite! I was, and am, still so grateful for everything in and everyday of my life, but rather than continue to focus more heavily on being thankful, I focused on the struggles . . . to the point that when I recently saw a dear friend of mine, he asked what had happened, to change where I'd been in late summer, when I had been exuding happiness and a lightness in my being, to the place I was at in my life that day.
Great question.
I definitely took my eye off the ball. I let the minutiae of life consume me, taking me from the positive, risk-taking, daredevil of a confident woman, to the woman who now was more unsure and insecure than I'd been in a very long time. What had happened?
Being true to form, I got online and requested books from the library, checking out volumes on happiness and confidence and self-improvement and grace and intention . . . and I realized that while I might have fallen off of the track lately, I hadn't abandoned my true self. I'm still here . . . and I wanted ME back. Thank goodness that a booster shot of reading and praying and reminders from dear friends can get the train rolling down the right track again. And just last night, another great friend noted on how happy I seem, and how good I look, and how it's the best she's seen me in years.
Were it only as simple as reading some pages and reflecting on the past. It isn't. There have been hurtful times, and a redirection of my life, and the holidays (which are always hard for me!) . . . but couldn't I be grateful for each of those things too? Couldn't I take the unique opportunity to learn from these events, in order to continue to grow . . . and also show gratitude? With two weeks of not working ahead of me, and plenty of time for reading and writing, the occasion to become introspective and appreciative couldn't have happened at a better moment. And so I dug in, got down and dirty, and did the work. And I'm so glad that I did. I have had some revolutionary discoveries . . . which have me shaking my head at how far off the mark I've been . . . but knowing that I can make things right again.
What I've realized the most, however, is that I am so incredibly grateful for every type of relationship in my life, and how the nurturing and nourishing I need to do with these relationships is so important. The selfishness I have displayed to my friends and my children at different times of this year --- I'm embarrassed at my behavior. As if they should be showering me with gratitude at the fact that I am in their lives. What???? I've acted as though when I am having a hard time they should be the ones to build me back up, when in reality it is up to me to find the courage and the joy that brings it all back together for myself, which, thankfully, wasn't buried too deeply for me to recover. And I remember, now, that life moves fast enough, thank you very much, and I mustn't hurry the process along. I need to be happy and content with what every day brings to me, and the speed at which it is delivered, and that I will appreciate and be grateful for the opportunity to have these relationships . . . and I don't need to push, drive, pressure, or control things, nor do I need others to deliver me through the muck. I have a guiding light, for which I'm grateful, who will teach me how to do that for myself, in order to fully love and appreciate and nourish the important people in my life just for who they are, and not for what they've done for me. I am grateful for these people, these relationships . . . and so blessed to have such loving and caring people in my life.
So while the reflection in the mirror might have been hazy for a bit, it's clear and bright and portraying the true gratitude and hope that I live with in my heart. And it's about time that happen again!!!! Here's to 2009!
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