resilience

noun

1. the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed or stretched; elasticity.

2. ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.


I had an interesting conversation the other day with a friend/life coach (www.mind-shifts.com) about resilience, and the role that it has played in my life. It was during this discussion that I had revealed to her some of the many events I've lived through in my life . . . and she was amazed at how resilient I've been able to be. I knew that I'd had to bounce back from much adversity, but I'd always thought "doesn't everyone?" And then I was reminded of a very recent event in one of my dearest friends' life where a family member's resilience was not strong enough to pull her from her problems. Maybe I have had more than my share of practice at being able to recover from life's events, so much so that I've taken this developed skill in my own life for granted . . .

Or maybe it's that I've always known to focus on the positive parts of life, more than the most difficult times. I'm not sure about having always known that, though. I do believe that it's been something that has necessarily developed along the way. Just for perspective's sake (and not because I enjoy dragging this stuff up) let me list some of the more stressful experiences I've endured (not in order): right from the start, I was born two and a half months after my father tragically passed away; I grew up feeling separate, alone and treated severely for my whole life after my mother remarried (age 2 1/2); I've had three painful divorces; suffered a miscarriage; had twin babies born early who then were in and out of hospitals for their first six months of life, with one having surgery on his head and skull at five months old; suffered having one beautiful stepdaughter killed in a car accident at 16; had a home literally blown away in a micro-burst (mini-tornado) while my husband was in it; have been arrested after someone close to me used my identity illegally and broke the law; was the main source of support for a family member who went through rehab; had a car stolen the night after moving into a new home; had an apartment burn down exactly one week after moving my family in; survived an abusive and violent marriage; returned to college to complete my degree and teaching license in four years with no money, no home, and no career while being a newly-divorced single mom who had always stayed at home to raise kids; stood up to a rural school board who didn't like having a strong-willed "city" woman at their school; have very distant family-of-origin ties; and several other events too personal to list. Yes, there have been a lot of terrible circumstances, but it's only when I begin to list them out that I even give the idea that I've had to be resilient any thought. But let me say right here and now ---- I thank God that I've been able to recoup after each and every event. And while recovering through the fallout of these occurrences is sometimes worse than the actual incident, this has all factored into the person I have become today, which is a centered, loving, happy woman.

Now, why was I focusing on the whole idea of resilience in the first place? As has been chronicled in this blog, about six months ago I began a journey into making myself into a better person. I was on a roll, and was quite proud of the changes I'd made in my life. Part of my decision to take on that task was due to choosing to end a certain time of my life, and in some respects, the beginning of a new road I was traveling down. It was exciting and I felt fantastically successful . . . until that road abruptly developed an obstacle that was seemingly too large to circumvent. Another event from which to bounce back. But really it was a time to refocus, recenter and get through the roadblock to move forward again. And I have done just that, with a vengeance. In a remarkably short amount of time I'd dug deep to find myself, worked to be even better at being me, and am now at the best place I've ever been in my life!

Part of building on the capacity to be resilient has been how that has effected my kids, and the development of their own resiliency. They, too, endured much of the above-listed events, unfortunately, along with several other tragedies along the way. But their strength is astonishing, and they have each weathered their own set-backs so incredibly well. Along with other remarkable events in their lives, Jeff was signed to pitch in the Boston Red Sox organization right out of college, only to be sent home because his shoulder wouldn't pass the physical; Justin had tremendous talent as a catcher, but had to walk away from baseball while still playing in college; and Jillian has now graduated with a degree that can't get her a job in this economy, despite her amazing resume and background. Yet each of them have the faith and the ability to look beyond the immediacy of their dire situations and continue moving forward. I am so proud of who they each have become, and their own personal levels of resiliency they've displayed. They are amazing people, and I know that they will pass along this to their children in the future, too.

I have to say that it probably would be easy to look at my life and say "geez, give it up already!" and just wallow in self-pity for awhile. That's absolutely not my style, and I would hope that things never get to a point when I would possibly think that. I am so blessed to have had the other wonderful events in my life along the way: I've had three of the very best people bless my life, each born to me in incredible ways; I have gotten a bachelor's and a master's degree in a career I am quite good at and that I very much enjoy; I have so very many beautiful, wonderful friends whom I love and who love me; I have my home I am proud to own; I am mother-in-law to a fabulous woman; I have a love of life and curiousity for things yet unknown; I have a strong and steady relationship with God whose love is never-ending and unconditional; I have touched the lives of kids in many parts of Colorado and who still are happy to see/hear from Ms. Harbert; I have a heart that loves and is open to love; and I have the best fat-cat in the world! And things are still continuing down a very positive path. Weighing the good against the bad, I'm happy to say that my life is good . . . . no, my life is wonderful.

Am I done having to be resilient? No, I'm sure I'm not . . . but I have the ability to use that skill well, and more importantly, I know that there will also continue to be phenomenally awesome times to focus on instead!!!