wholeness

adjective

1. pertaining to all aspects of human nature, esp. one's physical, intellectual, and spiritual development
2. not broken, damaged, or impaired; intact
3. containing all the elements properly belonging; complete

So, I've been doing a lot of heavy-ish reading these days, and I keep running across the same idea, that in order to be your happiest and emotionally healthiest, you need to be approaching life from a whole person perspective. Odd, I'm thinking, because I'm not sure if I would be considered whole, even though I'm not missing anything . . . at least not anything of major importance . . . am I? Is that what it means to be "whole," that all components are within? Could some of my recent happenings be because I wasn't complete, I wasn't whole?

I dove into this idea of finding out if I would be considered "whole" or not with a vengeance. First of all, I wanted to know if I needed to be "whole." Did being whole mean that I would have no flaws in my personality or character? Would it mean that I would have everything about being a good person figured out already? Would it mean that I was lacking in some way if I wasn't whole? So many questions . . . So I charted it out for myself. I started with the idea that to be a person of wholeness I would need a healthy balance of physical, spiritual, emotional and intellectual sides of myself. I decided on three columns for my chart to help with the process. Column 1: What traits do I have that I consider to be consistent with "wholeness?" This column had about 25 items, of which I could easily find within myself. The second column listed elements that I'm not entirely sure contribute to what makes a person "whole," and there were four things listed here. Then the third column listed items that I don't believe factor into what makes a person "whole," and there were five points here. When I looked at this chart, I realized that on paper I appeared to have a lot of balance and wholeness in myself. I pondered over these three columns, contemplating on whether something was missing (sort of like I was doing within myself!), but settled on my chart the way it was, since I had included what I thought was important to defining what wholeness.

A friend of mine has done so much inner work through her yoga teachings, so I probed her thinking on this a bit, first asking if she believed herself to be whole, to which she said she does. She helped me deduce that what I had come up with in my chart was on the mark, and when I said that I believed that I AM whole, she agreed, (whew!) congratulating me on doing this difficult work. She has had the opportunity to work through a lot of these types of areas with her yoga studies, and we talked about how most people don't really delve into this learning all that deeply overall, unless through therapy. My reason for doing this work and this thinking is because I have experienced a bit of a tailspin, wondering just what wasn't "right" with me overall, and what could be missing within myself to be where I was, at that moment. But what a fabulous occasion to take on this thinking, and to dive deeply into finally (at my age!) fully realizing who I am, and celebrating that, too, along the way! What a terrific realization it's been!!!

In addition, I believe that being whole doesn't mean that I've got it all together every moment of every day. To me, it means that on a consistent basis I approach the different aspects of my life through the lens of wholeness, and that if I had some areas that were really weak within, the balance of being able to handle those conditions would be off, leading to extreme emotional imbalance. I am not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but neither am I drastically flawed in any facet of my character. I have areas that are continuing to grow, and knowledge that I'm constantly uncovering. And I pray that I will always approach life this way. I will forever have room to grow. But in the end, I am as complete as I need to be at this time in my life, given that I'm here, walking with Grace, going through what life brings me with God at my side.

Not too long ago I was reading a book called Happy For No Reason, by Marci Shimoff, and I shared with my friends that by identifying what happiness is, I was realizing that I'm a lot happier than I thought I was! It's much the same with this thinking on wholeness. Though I felt pretty complete, I was worried that I did have something "missing" within, that I wasn't approaching life with a healthy and whole heart and soul, but after itemizing these things out, and believing that I could trust my own feelings, I realize I AM quite whole, after all!!! It comes down to being aware of what something truly IS, and then trusting yourself to know you either have it, or need to work on it. I love that I've come to so many wonderful revelations in this new year!!

I absolutely love my life and where and who I am!!